


Bottoms Up

by HyperKid



Series: Modern AU [7]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bryce doesn’t want to know, Crack, Humour, Multi, Other, Sex Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26751745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyperKid/pseuds/HyperKid
Summary: There’s so many things Bryce would be perfectly happy not to know about the Mighty Nein. The bastards don’t seem to care.Rated for queers making queer sex jokes
Relationships: Beau/Yasha/Jester/Caleb/Fjord/Mollymauk/Caduceus, Polynein
Series: Modern AU [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1545967
Comments: 8
Kudos: 101





	Bottoms Up

**Author's Note:**

> HK: Dedicated to that AITA that made its way around twitter! Because look me in the eye and tell me the Mighty Nein wouldn’t.   
> Mollymauk: You have no shame, do you?   
> HK: I’m not sure, what is shame again?   
> Mollymauk: .... Fuck it, you’ve got me there.   
> HK: Yes I do! Just a little crack to get us into spooky season, and then we’ll see what else we get as the month wears on.   
> Mollymauk: I want a Halloween party for this AU.   
> HK: Why do you do this to me?   
> Mollymauk: Because if I don’t someone else will. Slutty costumes, please.   
> HK: You’ll be a slutty salt shaker if you push it.   
> Mollymauk: I’m already slutty and full of salt, Halloween is about being something you’re not. 
> 
> WARNINGS!! Bad bad oversharing beans 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one, but only Taliesin Jaffe owns Molly so Molly isn’t back until he says it. Here’s hoping!

Bryce was coming to terms with the fact that every single time the Mighty Nein came to Alfield, they were going to have a drink with them. And the Nein were going to talk about things that they really, really shouldn’t hear. Usually crimes, which was always fun for the watchmaster of a small town to sit in on. 

It was always somewhat of a relief when it was just the usual oversharing. 

This particular trip hadn’t been too bad yet. Molly had some new scars and tattoos, and a set of new pronoun pins he’d offered them the choice of, Nott... no, Veth, he still wasn’t used to her not being a goblin, confessed to what was probably technically smuggling, Jester and Beau were alluding to what might have been murder? But was probably just the usual travel shenanigans the Nein always seemed to have tales of. 

Bryce was mostly ignoring them in favour of speaking to Caduceus, who was new and seemed the least likely to tell them anything they shouldn’t hear. But the evening was going well, the Feed and Mead as bustling as it ever got, and the drink was flowing nicely. 

Fjord had come to join them a while back, and they’d gotten into sharing stories from the war. Largely from its end and Bryce wasn’t quite sure how much they believed. Still, the war was over (at least for now), and they were more than happy to be home. 

“We’ll have to keep you around, to make sure the peace holds,” they teased with a soft chuckle, passing around a fresh tray of drinks. 

There were still those in Alfield who remembered what these people had done for them. Most didn’t know about their supposed role in ending the war, but Bryce was willing to kick in a few rounds for that. 

Taking his new tankard, Fjord grinned and raised his old one, the dregs sloshing inside. 

“Fuck, I’ll drink to that. Bottoms up,” he called to the rest of the table, draining his ale. Beau and Molly broke from a mock glaring matches to raise their mugs in agreement, calling wordless agreement back, and Nott cheered. 

The bench screeched back as Caleb rose immediately. It caught more attention than he’d thought, quieting the table and a few of the others around them. People glanced over, wondering if some kind of toast was incoming. 

Caleb just stared at Beau, completely deadpan but for the trace of a smile in his eyes. 

“Well?” He asked a moment later, as silence began to spread. 

Utterly confused, Beau frowned up at him, cradling her new ale tankard. 

“The fuck, Caleb?” 

The wizard’s lips twitched. 

“He said bottoms up.” 

Molly got it first, cackling wildly and actually tipping backwards off the bench. Which honestly might have been what gave Beau the hint as she stared down at him. Her eyes narrowed, doing her very best to suppress the grin tugging at her lips. 

Bastard wasn’t wrong. She just wished she’d thought of it first. Jabbing an elbow sharply into Fjord beside her, she rose as well, raising her tankard. 

“You too, motherfucker.” 

The half orc opened his mouth to protest just as Jester, half way through dragging Molly off the floor and away from wayward feet, burst into giggles. Molly flopped limply in her grasp, still cackling. A smile tugged its way across Fjord’s lips and he sighed, hauling himself to his feet. 

“Yeah, yeah, shut up,” he grumbled fondly, giving Beau a sharp nudge back. 

Veth groaned loudly and chugged the rest of her ale, pushing away from the table. 

“I’m going to get another drink,” she snapped, hurrying back to the bar. Ignoring completely that that had been a whole fresh tankard already, or maybe just not caring. Fighting the smile on their own face, Bryce rested their elbows on the table and massaged their temples. 

“On the list of things I didn’t need to know,” they sighed. Beside them, Caduceus gave them a look of mild surprise, his gaze drifting from his now all risen companions (Molly being held in both hands over Jester’s head). 

“What? What are they doing?” 

Bryce spent a long moment wondering if the firbolg was fucking with them. Surely one couldn’t hang around the likes of Jester Lavorre and Mollymauk Tealeaf for more than a minute without tainting their innocence? But he looked actually, sincerely puzzled. 

And Jester was grinning at them, the rest of the Nein turning from their snickering to Caduceus and Bryce. 

“Yeah Bryce, what are we doing?” The tiefling cleric teased, shifting Molly across her shoulders. Yasha reached out a hand to steady both, a slight smile on her face. 

Bryce sighed, closing their eyes and pressing just a little harder at their temples. It wasn’t quite a migraine, but they were getting the faintest beginnings of a headache. Which, again, wasn’t hugely unusual for this bunch of fuckwits. 

“Sex, Mister Clay. They’re making sex jokes because, apparently, every single one of your friends is a bottom in sex.” Cracking open an eye, they watched a snickering Molly almost topple as Jester whooped happily. 

“Bottom or switch!” 

“No one said switches up,” Caleb pointed out with just a hint of a snicker. Molly twisted far enough to nearly unbalance Jester again, giving his nose a gentle boop. 

“Do you not want my bottom up?” He teased and Caleb’s cheeks flushed. 

Which, pretty much as expected, set the whole lot of them bickering again. Bryce chanced a glance across at Caduceus. 

The firbolg looked like he was still a little confused, but working it out. Then a placid smile spread across his face like autumn sunshine. 

“Oh. Yeah, that’s about right,” he agreed happily. 

Bryce groaned and let their head bounce off the table. Really, there wasn’t a single one of them that knew when too much information was too much. 

**Author's Note:**

> HK: I don’t know if this counts as a trick or a treat, but let’s get the month started off right either way.


End file.
